My Life – An Errand From God to God

DSC09497Where are you today? Do like being there? Would you prefer being somewhere else? Are ‘they’ treating you right? Would you wish they treated you, just a little bit better. I was thinking just the same of the place I was. But I have a Loving, Powerful, Gentle, Awesome and EXTREMELY WISE HEAVENLY FATHER.  His Words…they make sense out of what may seem senseless today. What if..just what if…my being where I am today, is a matter of life and death for someone…someone I am too self-focused to see right now?

Just so that THEY would KNOW FOR SURE that GOD IS PRESENT where you are, God may send YOU through humanly unconventional means, sometimes as a slave – well, almost. His Way may be humbling even ‘horrendous’ but I do myself well to remember that the entirety of my life is an errand from God to someone/people and then back to Him with fruit, that they may KNOW He cares about them and their situation. Your/my ‘small’ voice raised in love and truth may unsettle kings and kingdoms to turn their focus back to God. May He open my eyes to Who needs Him this day, that I may send them to Him, for the breakthrough that they need. Hear this, my prayer, Heavenly Father. Amen.

vipslit@yahoo.ca

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“The Syrians had gone out in bands and had brought away captive out of the land of Israel a little maid, and she waited on Naaman’s wife. She said to her mistress, Would that my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria! For he would heal him of his leprosy. [Naaman] went in and told his king, Thus and thus said the maid from Israel…

And he brought the letter to the king of Israel. It said, When this letter comes to you, I will with it have sent to you my servant Naaman, that you may cure him of leprosy.When the king of Israel read the letter, he rent his clothes and said, Am I God, to kill and to make alive, that this man sends to me to heal a man of his leprosy? Just consider and see how he is seeking a quarrel with me. When Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had rent his clothes, he sent to the king, asking, Why have you rent your clothes? Let Naaman come now to me and he shall know that there is a prophet in Israel…

Then he went down and dipped himself seven times in the Jordan, as the man of God had said, and his flesh was restored like that of a little child, and he was clean. Then Naaman returned to the man of God, he and all his company, and stood before him. He said, Behold, now I know that there is no God in all the earth but in Israel.”
1 Kings 5

The Forgotten Unforgetable

DSC08973Its been a hard week and am tired. And yet I am strangely energized. As I sat listening to God, I heard a voice say ‘go read Exodus 3′. I had been thinking about God hardening Pharaoh’s heart and setting him up for his eventual fall, as He delivered His people, so I thought Exodus 3 was about that. But God is not predictable. He had a new lesson to teach me.

The scene is set, a former prince, sits forgotten in the wilderness of Midian. A wilderness that had accepted him as its own, and even provided him with family. He sits as a son, tending his father-in-laws flock. Self-exiled, murderer, rejected by his natural and first adoptive people. Its interesting to note that God did not run out of options in terms of providing another family to accept Moses, take him as their own. He sits and then sees a sight and goes to investigate it, and we are told that God noticed that he noticed, and therefore spoke to him. Of cause God already knew Moses would.

Moses probably wanted to forget his name and his people. Something that is bound to happen when we are disappointed with our birth family and nation. But God had a purpose for all this, and time came for this old man to manifest His growth and maturity in relation to God. it was time to go back, and be the answer that those who had turned their backs on him last time he did them a favor, needed. ‘Why isn’t it someone else’ responsibility LORD – someone who is more favorably disposed towards them? Someone they hold in regard? Why me? I am forgotten – and if anyone remembers me, its probably not really a pleasant memory.”

There may be times when you and I feel hunted down, hidden or forgotten. When God speaks a Wondrous Word to us, we wonder if He has the wrong address, or if it could be possible, that just this once, the All Knowing, All Wise, Almighty God could make a mistake with us. Worse, you have so forgotten where God had you before, and with that, your own ‘name’. I thank God that He NEVER forgets His Name, and our ‘namelessness‘ is irrelevant to where He is taking us, and what He will do with us, in His time. The TRUTH and FACT that He is with us, gives us all we need for the journey. Your wilderness experience has a timing, held in The Hand of Him Who is Above the Law He created – and is Holy – APART from us. Let us go with His Thoughts…that is the only way, we will get anywhere. Look what He did with Moses – the forgotten became UNFORGETTABLE.

Shalom

vipslit@yahoo.ca

“And Moses said to God, Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?…And God said to Moses, I Am Who I Am and What I Am, and I Will Be What I Will Be; and He said, You shall say this to the Israelites: I Am has sent me to you!”
Exodus 3

Travelling A Cut Away From the Norm

This morning, I was trying to get from one end of Nairobi, to another, using a short-cut – which sometimes, as in this case, refers to an un-finished road branching away from the main tarmac road that presumably has all the traffic. I noticed that the car in front of us had sped on and we kept catching up with the dust it left in its wake. I could not see the one behind me, but one must have been there, at a distant, catching up with ‘our’ dust. And then there were the vehicles on the opposite lane…with their dust. Most times, from my vantage point on the back seat, I could not see the way ahead. The driver was calm, I was not. He gently reassured me that nothing bad would happen to us, that was not meant to happen, as he could see the road ahead.

It struck me then, that life’s like that. Especially when you take the road less traveled; there is usually someone who did it before, and sometimes…they blow ‘dust’ on your face. Then there are those who are travelling the opposite direction – these also affect your progress, by the amount of dust they may blow on your line of vision. It all depends on WHO is behind the wheel of your life, how well they know the road you are on, and your comfort at any one time on your ability to trust them to get you ‘there’ safely.

Like Job of old I declare today, that “But He knows the way that I take [He has concern for it, appreciates, and pays attention to it]. When He has tried me, I shall come forth as refined gold [pure and luminous]. My foot has held fast to His steps; His ways have I kept and not turned aside.” 23:10-11

and I adopted Carrie Underwood’s prayer ” Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
‘Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Just save me from this road I’m on
Jesus, take the wheel”

vipslit@yahoo.ca

My Miracles

photo 10The last two days have been some of the lowest I have gone through in my life as a Mom. I had hoped to be able to send my children to college, but it did not work out that way. God remains Good, and on top of this and the other circumstances in my life. My daughter has been really down over this, and more discouraged than I have even known her to be – please pray for her, when she comes to your mind. Leroy on the other hand, has been down with Malaria and Typhoid and up as Mami’s helper in spite of this. He lost his place in college last year due to arrears. God remains Good, and on top of this and other circumstances in our lives. I don’t really know if am over this, I am not sure since there is an ache in my throat, in my belly and somewhere in my chest as I move around. Feeling unable to provide for your child – even the basics, is something I would not wish for someone who has hurt me badly. But that’s not what this post is about. Its a happy heartache post.

So spent yesterday standing on my knees, crying out to God in every way I knew how to…to spare my children from this one…but He allowed for it to happen and having walked with God for a long time, I know He comes in a cloud sometimes -in the best of times. I asked God for a miracle and He blessed me with one. Last night, I went into my daughter’s room to pray with her, because she is at a point where she is not able to pray anymore. She had spent the day with my brother and my dear sister in love Irene, but once home, the gloom of her circumstances just basically descended on her. So, I listen, I talked, I prayed, and then I listened and put of her lights and went to the living room to pray with my Guys. Leroy went first, and I steeled my heart waiting for a complaint…IMG_3533

“Our Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for this day. Thank You providing for us food to eat, a place to stay and water. We are grateful. Please, I want to pray for the teachers. Please let them be paid their money so that they can go back to school and teach the other children. Please also look after the doctors and nurses so that they can go back to work in the hospitals so that people do not have to die anymore. I bless this prayer in Jesus Name, Amen.

I am blessed to be a mother, I am blessed to be their mother, for better of for worse. So, the day that began with a drizzle of tears, ended with a waterfall. A child had led me, a child I had borne, had taught me that there were big issues also, outside our house. I learnt, Humbled. Keep us in your prayers…Keep us still in your prayers. We will walk God’s itinerary, and grow how He would have us grow, Because He knows the way, He is The Way, and that Way is Good. Shalom.

vipslit@yahoo.ca

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Waiting for a miracle

I have seen a lot of those lately. Friends around me, rising out of impossible situations, and yet each time I find myself on the verge of a miracle, I balk. I worry…i.e. I sin, by fighting that refusal to believe that God really is Powerful and that He does care about me and mine.

My daughter has been fasting for the last 13 days. Knowing that I had been out of work a lot, and that finances just are not tying in, she and I prayed, waited, and then believed  God for a place in a Christian University in Kenya. Yes, the cost was high, yes those that had promised to stand by us, abandoned ship as soon as they saw the invoice, but that did not dampen our faith that this is God wants for her. She is to report tomorrow, and she does not even have a suitcase to put her things into, the transport to get there, let alone the fees…and all the logistical costs. I had asked God to open up Monday for me to take her. And He has. Its just that…how long does it take God to perform a miracle? It does not help that her older brother has been out of school since October due to fee arrears. In their anger, more than once, they have said to me, that I am not a good mother. I believe them.

Baby boy is unwell, Malaria and Typoid, in his room. At least  God provided for him to go to the lab, and for treatments. He will also heal him. Baby girl is weeping in her room. She fasts until tomorrow – and we had known that this was a special indication of God’s favor. So tonight, my heart breaks over my children. For despite my shortcomings, aside from God, there is no one I love as I do them, and my not being able to provide…How long does it take God to move and change one’s circumstances? Please hold my babies tonight, encourage them and come through for them.

vipslit@yahoo.ca

When God Answers Prayers

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This year has been beautiful. As an individual and family, we have gone through life in its extremes, a little bit of the terrible, but so much to be thankful for. Its true we have had reasons to weep, but many of those tears have been changed into powerful lessons and foundations for unending tears of joy. As the world gears to again celebrate my Lord and Savior, I do not want to be left behind. I want to be the one that came back to say “thank You.”

This is the year, that my pillars fell off. I realize that there was much that I was holding onto, in terms of relationships, strengths, giftings and abilities, experience that I believed would carry me through the next 45 years of my life. But because I call Jesus Lord, I needed to be true to that. I can not have other things share His Throne in my life. And He helped with that, by allowing things that I thought myself immune to, to catch up with me. I am grateful for that. Those were times of terror, helplessness and such deep dark silence that I wondered at His ability to keep His promise to me ‘and lo, I Am with you, till the very end of ages.’I held on to His word, though, to be honest, most of the time it felt as though I was lying to myself. I felt abandoned by The Greatest Love of my life, and nothing else mattered. He seemed to have led me on…into the wilderness, not to woe me back into loving Him fully, but to abandon me there.

Then came the stroke…and I realized that even though I felt more alone and abandoned by God, He had left me with too much to loose. My inability to speak went for a day…and my loved ones, who I thought I had lost forever, stood with and around me, willing me to come back to life. People I don’t know and some of those I know, prayed for my family and I, and though many had no clue, they fed us in the days to come. [for in the day before the stroke, our house had been the barest I had ever seen it in my entire life].

I asked God to give me back my ability to speak, to say more than ‘Why?’ which I did with great difficulty. By the time I went to sleep that night, I was able to say ‘Thank you’ with difficulty to the hospital staff, and then ‘Jesus’ :). I was not even aware at that time that I had lost a lot of mobility on the right side of my body…it seems that though my heart had filled with fear – that God had packed up and left, He had in truth bunched me gently in His Hand and Held me in His Heart…cushioning me from what was factually happening to me. In the ambulance I tried to talk to the staff, as in the place for the scan, to the doctors, my cousin Dennis and his wife, my brothers Richard and Spencer, my sisters Galaxy and Irene, my daughter Shukurani, and to the love of my life, my best friend this side of Heaven, and my eternal life-mate who stood around my bed that first night [and has been responsible for the initially painful job of getting back full use of my right side and keeping me fit].

Waking up to find my auntie Mama Greg and my uncle Baba Greg by my bed in the morning reminded me that they had always been my parents too, then there was our bff Manyara who sat by my bed until I got up and then fed me while encouraging me and making me laugh…then my aunties Mama Irene and Mama Lily, my Mum Cucu Rose, Sisters Jackie, Carole, Trudy, Millie, Susan, Michelle, Grace, Jane, Caren…so much of God around my bed. Then auntie gave me the phone to talk to my Mum who was upcountry taking care of my Dadi who was also bed-ridden…she had been crying I could tell…I have lost two aunties to a stroke in the recent past…and when I said ‘Mamana’ she cried and cried and told me to rest that all was going to be well. So much of God around my life…so much more came…God was there.

We went back home to a house that was full of food. We had no fridge so we dispensed of so much of it, and stood in awe of God Who is True – in lack and in plenty. I cannot say we have not struggled since then, I would be lying. But God has been with us. He has come through for us. There was the time we lost the house that was literally killing my neighbors and I…and God made sure that He had a place for us to run to. And not just any other place. But a place twice as big, for the same price…a price that He paid through His chosen agent. I face the end of this year, with similar challenges, new friends, lost friends, but God has come through for me.

This praise session has been inspired mainly by the three supervisors I have had for the work God has allowed me to do in November and December. They have been my answered prayers. Two of those jobs have had challenges, and I can not complete the last one at the moment due to cash flow and logistical issues…but it is for that that I am grateful. This morning, my supervisor called me and encouraged me to keep believing. He reminded me of the giftings that God had placed in my life, told me that he valued my dedication to excellence and my overall attitude to work despite the challenges that had arisen in funding both on his end, and in mine. He reminded me, knowing that I had hoped that this particular work would provide fees for my son and daughters college in January, that even if this did not turn out the way we both hoped, that it is to God that we look to for provision. He said that we, he and I, would continue to do what God allowed us to do, and do our best at that, and wait for Him- our Eternal Father to provide the rest, when He chose to. I was awed at this unexpected beginning to this week. And especially from him. But in his voice, I heard God. God has given me the ability to see Him, hear Him even in the darkest of times. He has revealed Himself to me ‘in a dark cloud’ and I am truly grateful. I share this, that He may be exalted. That someone He loves, who is feeling a lot like I have known to feel, may know the truth…That God is Faithful, He never leaves when someone/people or something/s do…He IS Faithful.

Shalom

“Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid; for God has come in order to test you, and in order that the fear of Him may remain with you, so that you may not sin.” So the people stood at a distance, while Moses approached the DARK THICK CLOUD WHERE GOD WAS.” Genesis 20:20-21

“…The LORD has said that He would dwell in the thick cloud.” 1 Kings 8:12
“The LORD reigns, let the earth rejoice; Let the many islands be glad. Clouds and thick darkness surround Him; Righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne.” Psalm 97:1-2

vipslit@yahoo.ca

One Day….

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It had been a hard day. I had been to a service in my old church. A funeral service. That was hard.

I looked around and recognised familiar, much loved faces. Some pointedly ignored me. I mused about that for about two seconds and then the business that had brought me here, took over. To stand with a friend who had been widowed. There were many people around; I was grateful to God that she had these. But I took my place on my knees as it were, though still seated and prayed. It was a hard service. Beautiful for all the love that was shared…and yet really hard. But that is not what this day was for me.

This day, was not a particular 24 hour circuit, but something that had weighed me down for a while. Something only this place could bring out for me. I sat next to my sweetheart, and it was not difficult to see, how shabby we were compared to everyone else. When time came to give, and we were urged to give generously, he took out a 200 shilling note, and held it openly. I knew how much he had in his pocket. And it was not a whole lot more. I whispered to him that it was not proper for anyone to see what we were giving. And he bundled our note in his hand, and then when the basket passed in front of him, he put in the note. I noticed that his laces were too short and kept coming undone, his socks sagging and loud, and that my own shoes were peeling and a little bit muddy at the heel. Thought about it for a second, and then went back into the reason I was there.

After the service, we were to line up to view the body and condole with the family. The line was long so we, my sweetheart and I stood aside for a while, then he melted away. I went to the couple who had been our ride from home and thanked the husband, saying we would find our way home. I was already feeling faint. He smiled and said it was okay. Then I decided to walk over to the other side of the line, and say hello to some old and much loved friends. I was well received. Hugs, laughter even in this place. And that was nice. But again, that sense of being alone came up. And I looked around but could not find my sweetheart. I stepped into line and an old friend chatted me up before another got hold of his attention and he left the line. I was joined by another who walked with me till body, talking as we went. Then I stood by the casket. And I looked in. And I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t cry. I just stood there, perhaps longer than appropriate. And then my feet began to move. I went to my friend, she was worn out from weeping. And I held her awhile. I was not sure she recognised me but I thought I heard her whisper my name. I had no words…no words for this place. But I prayed…God…Your Strength, Comfort, Presence…and then I walked away.

I felt like someone had blown away the back of my head. I clutched onto some chairs to pray for stability, not willing to draw any attention to myself. I reminded God, as though He could ever forget, that I was not going back…my own resurrection was for a purpose. Then I looked into my purse, found my phone and called my sweetheart. He was outside, had made some friends. I stood a while and listened to another old friend, widowed, who had survived a stroke after her own husband’s passing. Hugged her and then went out to join my sweetheart. We walked away, as he talked to me, he was as moved as I had been, but he kept his conversation light and easy. Walking with him, I was home.

We went to our physical home, where we live with our children. And I looked around. We did not have money for food that day. Much of what we needed had run out. Including tissue, since I had suffered severe food poisoning that week. We had had not money for my medication. My sweetheart hid a cough, and I prayed. ‘God heal him, please.’ I sent a text to a friend to ask if she had boiled some beans and she told me to meet her at her place. I told her I would send, Leroy, my son. Oh I had passed by the bank that day, and my balance was still at 0.1/-. It was my pastor’s 10th Wedding Anniversary, and I wanted to surprise them with a gift. Sigh.

I went to bed and at 3:30am, I woke up to go to the bathroom. Unstable. Feeling funny. I came back and picked my phone again. 3:33. Three threes. God, God, God. Call unto Me. I called. Jesus. My sweetheart shuffled in the bed beside me. Jesus I called again. Then, and I will tell you marvelous things. I am listening LORD.

What is it about my old church that unnerves me? Weighs me down, It is situated at my old campus, and symbolises all my broken dreams. Both of Career, and  Ministry. It is at the site of my primary school. Most of those I know, who went through these paths, succeeded in them. At their Careers and Ministries. Even as I went through those roads, I must have always known, that I piece from another jig-saw puzzle that had somehow found itself inside this box. And no matter how much I tried, I would never fit into this pattern. I was a failure because this was not my world, this was not home.

My mind went to my family. Children born ‘out of pattern.’ A husband married ‘out of pattern.’ Not in conformity with most other lives. Not the lives I had dreamed mine would be like. I looked in my mind’s eye at my Bible Study Group, our pre-marital class, these had become my inner circle of friends. Some were still trying to fit into a world that may eventually receive them. That was their portion. I had failed in that respect. For the first time, I was grateful for the much loved ‘friends’ and ‘well-wishers’ that had slandered me mercilessly, because they would not help, and could not stand seeing anyone help me survive, even the world that I had been pushed into, that they had no wish to live in. A wilderness. And even there they had pursued me. Loving God thoroughly, hating me and mine in spite of themselves. Inadvertently, coveting even the fact that God refused to remove His Breath from me and mine, so that their discussions of me would be justified in my death. I was grateful, they were right. I was dead to their world. I was like a ghost, who would visit from time to time; sent and on an errand, making all and sundry really uncomfortable, but belonging to a world that could not be patterned by their standards.

I did not live by those standards. I did not want to. I came to the realisation, that the thing that stressed me most, was that I was expected to live up to a standard that most were still trying to master and understand, and made them desperately unhappy; for they were trying to justify their living, and validity, by things they could not take away. My world was not superior, I had needed them. Their validation, their assistance…at one point at least.  They had closed their hearts and hands to me…because they were unable to open these. God had closed those doors. They, like myself, did not understand what I was made for. Besides they were busy understanding their own purposes…and their silences, pointed snubs and putdowns, excruciating to me, were justified because they could not hold the spin of my patterning, as they were too busy figuring out their own. I was from another world. Living according to another pattern. And that other world, in that place that God Himself had put me and mine, He had provided all that I needed, in terms of love, sustenance, and yes, my resurrection and success, according to His, my Manufacturer’s Pattern of who He made me to be. And that is all I was ever meant to be. Strange. Peculiar. Bigger than I ever thought I could be. And He had enough Might in Him, to raise and validate me. Talk about Marvelous things…I rest.

vipslit@yahoo.ca

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