Speaking Perfectly on Pause

This week, the week just ended, has been ‘spiritually traumatizing’ for me. In a good way. Good trauma. But still as shattering as all trauma can be. I will share more on why, when God blesses me with the words to, either sooner or later. But let me give this particular one a try.

Leroy, Shukri and I are studying the life of Moses as a family…the journey that defined his answer to God’s call to Leadership. One that justified in so many ways, the forty years he spent in the dessert of Midian, taking care of his father-in-law’s sheep. Thinking about those frightening [my perspective alright?] wooly creatures that he had to adapt to after 40 indulgent years as a prince in Egypt, first of all makes me wonder about the apparent extremes that is usual in God’s Purpose Training School. That shift must have hurt Moses physically, emotionally, spiritually even in a very physical feeling way. I hope you understood that last sentence, because as of now, I don’t have any other way of putting it. If I were Moses, I would have had to get past my job description which would include watching over animals in a manner that keeps them close to me [in my world so far, I have finally acceded to the fact that human beings often are absolutely frightening and inconsistence and only sometimes, due to good things like ‘growth’… But in my book, I would still rather hold the hand of a frightening human being than the paw of a tame – ‘anything else alive that is not human’. Just in case you wondered…] So I would have had to learn to hold these wooly creatures and risk having them move as I held them, protect them maybe from other pawed creature…sometimes the clawed ones as well, in other words, get past myself and learn to love  from close up and care for them. Then, being employed by your father in law….even if he is absolutely nice, like Jethro seemed to be. That broke me too. Then one day, after 40 years of getting used to sheep moving helter-skelter in every direction possibly, apart from the one you want them to be headed or standing in; God appears to you!  As a FIRE that burns while not burning. Then speaks to you. Okay slow down and let this sink in…

It is possible that not many people had the patience to speak to you before then [which probably explains why you were given the animals to keep track of] because then you would have to respond to them. And that stammer…not to mention you are 80 years old, Hebrew-Egyptian…meaning you are probably slower of speech, retaining a foreign twang and stammering valiantly through all that. So they probably said ‘hi’ to you as they walked rapidly past you. You got used to the loneliness…then God, Who is fluent in this thing called Speech not only stops by, but seems to have been around all the time watching you and seeking your audience. And He says more than a quick ‘hi’ which would have been enough to make your whole year! You would have used that story to hold the sheep’s attention – “God stopped by and said ‘hi’ to me!”. And it did not matter if the other humans did not stop a little longer to hear you out…it would probably take too much of their time…and just so they would confirm that there was something else ‘wrong‘ with you that ‘justified’ your stammer. No, God, The Almighty, Who made all those peoples and animals and their world etc, spoke sentences and sentences to you! He had seen and favored you and was trusting you with the one thing that had made you want to disappear from the earth in the first place – to lead His chosen people out of captivity. They were not a few tens of people, but thousands of them, and they were slaves to one of the most sophisticated and powerful civilizations of the day. A civilization in which you were a Wanted Man for the murder of a kingdom official. And more than that, He is actually asking you to expose your weakness to the leader of that civilization Pharaoh: He is sending you, yes YOU the lonely-stammering- refuge- shepherd, to…SPEAK with you faithful pauses, to Pharaoh on behalf of His People! Now you probably ‘understand’ why He would stop by and talk to you when most people would not…the ‘home-time‘ bell was ringing…it was time for you to go home…to die.

So you stammer your challenges framed as polite questions back at God. He answers and sends you help. And your heart begins to trust Him again…you take to heart all He has done for you. God has shown Himself to you, and spoken to you, and given you a task that if successful would liberate a whole nation that had been slaves for 400+ years, and additionally, you would from time to time need to speak to them, to tell them what God has said. But God has sent you the best help He has. Your very own BIG BROTHER! Aaron is a big brother and would stand up for you and by you if anyone dared make fun of his kid bro. Besides, he is blessed with what you weren’t – he can speak fluently. I don’t know…but maybe he did not as a baby, have to float around a crocodile teeming river like you did, but we will understand the whole story in all Truth when we see God face to face. You feel much better about this. God and Aaron with you are the best you could hope for in this world. And it is.  What a team!  God, speaks, you stammer, Aaron translates, Pharaoh listens, pharaoh’s heart hardens, Hebrews cry out, Egyptians cry out, Pharaoh says sorry, you speak to God, God hears and brings relief, and Pharaoh changes his mind. This is repeated 9 times with increasingly devastating effects…for everyone, even the slaves hoping for redemption…and most times, you have just God and Aaron on your side. But you keep going back to the ring so to speak, for Your Master is unrelenting in His Purpose now that His Time has come. And then one day, a terrible thing happens, first-borns die. And then a terrific thing happens, Pharaoh says to you and all those slaves “GO AWAY!!!!!” And finds you all enthusiastically compliant.

There is more drama, as Pharaoh changes his mind, and dies for it. And waters open to let you through…then you are in a wilderness…leading a human species of sheep, who are given to going anywhere else than the place you are leading them to. You see, adapting from always being slaves to being free men, naturally means going to another extreme – rebellion, before they are tamed into knowing that freedom, not unlike slavery, is sustained and governed by that concept that is sometimes painful – Rules and Ethics. But not all are that way given to rebellion. For some like big brother Aaron, the issue is fear of the crowd they lead. But others like Joshua, learn courage by making it their lives’ priority, to remain God’s Presence. And God’s Glory and Grace, keeps you and all of them on His route.

Then one day He, God, speaks on your behalf, when your big brother and big sister have slandered your role as Speaker of the Nation of Israel. He says of you”

“Listen carefully to what I’m telling you.
If there is a prophet of God among you,
I make myself known to him in visions,
I speak to him in dreams.
But I don’t do it that way with my servant Moses;
he has the run of my entire house;
I speak to him intimately, in person,
in plain talk without riddles:
He ponders the very form of God.
So why did you show no reverence or respect
in speaking against my servant, against Moses?”

God for Whom you had spoken, stammered more accurately, heard the gossip on you, and summoned the culprits into His Presence, and being very angry, SPOKE on your behalf, telling the world so to speak, that He, God, trusted you as His friend!

Let me leave you with this first part of my learning in trauma… I ask you to ponder on this a while. While I while away some time, and ask God for words to speak of the rest on. Shalom.


About viphealthyleadership
I am a friend of God, who loves to listen to, and talk to Him and write to and through Him. My prayer concerns revolve mainly around homes and nations, and how Christ's wounded warriors can arise and get involved again in the building of these and in the repairwork needed to restore these to their God-intended glory. I believe that true and effective leadership, can only come from those who have been wounded, recognised their wounds for what they are, and have allowed God to heal these and make them stronger in loving the ones they would lead. I am a mother of two: Leroy and Shukurani and a grandmother of one - Giovanni Gett.

4 Responses to Speaking Perfectly on Pause

  1. Crysloves says:

    It’s as if you wrote this directly to me! Truly I could see the clarity of the words as I read them, and my Spirit repeating my thoughts back to me “It is I, who is speaking through the words of the one I have chosen for you” It has been as you wrote it to be. You have blessed me immensly. “Oh He Loves Us So”

  2. At the start of it all I stammered and thought I should mention it to you. I quickly got into to the flow not knowing you were to talk about the stammering-fast coming to the end. And indeed it is satisfying to come to this climax: that though I thought I stammered, He stammered more accurately to proclaim Himself to the culprits. Sounds like the training with the flocks was more important than the talking 🙂 I am glad for this. God bless!

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