My Life – An Errand From God to God

DSC09497Where are you today? Do like being there? Would you prefer being somewhere else? Are ‘they’ treating you right? Would you wish they treated you, just a little bit better. I was thinking just the same of the place I was. But I have a Loving, Powerful, Gentle, Awesome and EXTREMELY WISE HEAVENLY FATHER.  His Words…they make sense out of what may seem senseless today. What if..just what if…my being where I am today, is a matter of life and death for someone…someone I am too self-focused to see right now?

Just so that THEY would KNOW FOR SURE that GOD IS PRESENT where you are, God may send YOU through humanly unconventional means, sometimes as a slave – well, almost. His Way may be humbling even ‘horrendous’ but I do myself well to remember that the entirety of my life is an errand from God to someone/people and then back to Him with fruit, that they may KNOW He cares about them and their situation. Your/my ‘small’ voice raised in love and truth may unsettle kings and kingdoms to turn their focus back to God. May He open my eyes to Who needs Him this day, that I may send them to Him, for the breakthrough that they need. Hear this, my prayer, Heavenly Father. Amen.


“The Syrians had gone out in bands and had brought away captive out of the land of Israel a little maid, and she waited on Naaman’s wife. She said to her mistress, Would that my lord were with the prophet who is in Samaria! For he would heal him of his leprosy. [Naaman] went in and told his king, Thus and thus said the maid from Israel…

And he brought the letter to the king of Israel. It said, When this letter comes to you, I will with it have sent to you my servant Naaman, that you may cure him of leprosy.When the king of Israel read the letter, he rent his clothes and said, Am I God, to kill and to make alive, that this man sends to me to heal a man of his leprosy? Just consider and see how he is seeking a quarrel with me. When Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had rent his clothes, he sent to the king, asking, Why have you rent your clothes? Let Naaman come now to me and he shall know that there is a prophet in Israel…

Then he went down and dipped himself seven times in the Jordan, as the man of God had said, and his flesh was restored like that of a little child, and he was clean. Then Naaman returned to the man of God, he and all his company, and stood before him. He said, Behold, now I know that there is no God in all the earth but in Israel.”
1 Kings 5

Why do you seek the living among the dead?

This has been one of those weeks where, my favorite phrase when talking about my relationship and walk with God has been “He has traumatized me into silence and stillness.” And He has. In a great way though.

It has been the week during which I complete the book of Luke yet again and prepare to start the book of Revelations. It has been the week where God finally led me to read a book I borrowed over 10 years ago but had not read, called ‘Finding God’ by Dr. Larry Crabb. [As soon as am done, I will find a way to give it back don’t you worry.] But just its contents and the contents of The Gospel I am reading has shocked me into stillness regarding what I, until this week, thought was a brilliant relationship with God.

I have spent the past more than one year praying about certain issues in my life, and ministry and yet feeling like I was missing something. It was like God really wanted to bless me, but I was asking amiss. He has called me over and over to worship Him but many times, this has been a hard calling. Life has hurt and I did not feel like singing anymore. God reassures me that He loves it when I sing to Him but sing with my whole heart…and this year, has not honestly been one of those ‘whole heart’ years. It has hurt. It has broken me. It has made me someone else. Hopefully, someone who likes God more than likes things. I have felt passion for little more than God. And struggled to strip my life of any passion that even looked like it was competing for space with Him. Yet the passion I have felt for God has been broken at best…and I have longed to be well. To be whole in my worship for Him. If not quickly in a new way, at least to the old familiar ways. But that old way seemed to have vaporized leaving me frantic.

This week, He showed me the progress in some of the lives that I had hurt over, cried for, and then wondered if I was truly praying in His Will. Answered prayer is good, but I am learning not to patronize God by trying to manipulate Him into performing just so I can praise Him. I want to be able to praise Him all the time. Even in the dark days…even this year.

So last night as I prepared to begin to prepare for my end year fast, to seek God about what 2012 would bring, I found myself wondering again if ‘years’ as we know them really matter in heaven. I wondered if I should wait until the 29th to pray, when I didn’t know if my life would extend to then, or just get ahead with seeking God now. I wondered what my prayer agenda would involve because, honestly, I felt the need to know His will for me and those for whom I was praying BEFORE I embarked on that prayer journey. Do I pray for a divorce for so and so or do I pray for the restoration of their marriage and home? Do I pray against that disaster for that nation or is God allowing them to face the consequences of their actions as discipline, loving though devastating discipline? Meanwhile in my own life it seemed to me that everything was falling apart around me – do I pray for the restoration of my children to schools, a new computer, new fridge, DVD player, electric kettle, microwave, a new bed for my daughter, the healing of my son’s mind and health, a house in a ‘safe’  and ‘serviced’ area, the restoration of the love and respect of my birth family, my old friendships? Do I ask God for marriage? Do I ask Him for a scholarship to further my education? Do I? Do I? And at what point do I ask Him for food, clothes, and to rid my house of rats and cockroaches – maybe this is a sign that He is moving me to a better place…it was all so confusing. What is my ministry? Do I publish? Do I train? Do I just be-friend and be a friend? And as I gave myself a headache and sore-throat worrying about whether my life was within the purposes of God His word in Luke 24 stood out for me ‘Why do you seek the living among the dead?”


Suddenly it was like I was on the road to Emmaus, worrying about what had been. Refusing to acknowledge that my job was to pick up my cross and follow Christ often content with the assurance that He who was leading me, knew the way. I was lamenting about the things that had happened to me and my loved ones. The financial, marital, parental, spiritual, moral, political crisis that was facing individuals whose faces spun in my head…loved ones, not just by me, BUT drastically by God Himself. I trudged up that road listening to this ‘annoying sense’ being made by a voice inside of me. “These things must happen…and then…There must be a dying to these things…and then….What looks like a bad thing needed to happen…and then…the Glory of God would be our rearguard. Only if I follow Him.”

He was telling me that dwelling on fixing things and restoring them into the state they were in was a futility that did not go well with His renewal of my mind. That I could no longer have the luxury of walking two ways; that I had to make a choice. Was I going to perfume, and preserve the dead mediocrity that defined a canal existence, or was I going to allow Him to bring His Life and His Light into my situation and make my life definable by heaven as ‘Beautiful’? I was no longer able to think of God only in terms of what He can do for me to make my life as comfortable and understandable as possible to those watching me in order to criticize me. And those who genuinely loved me as well. I needed to fit into His Mindset. I needed to bend my knees before Him as I slipped, no, pushed myself and others from the Throne that is His, so we could all worship Him. The dead things, my old broken mindset about what made sense in order to make me normal, needed to have a heavy tombstone rolled over them, so that I could embrace the Resurrection and The Life.

What about you? What is your cemetery dredging story? Why do you insist on seeking Life in a place of established deadness?

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