May 19, 2013 Leave a comment
Darkness has prevailed, the storm has not abated, and yet, God is with me in this boat. I can feel Him. I feel Him in the solid calm even when I sometimes have to raise up the sword He has placed in my hand. This morning, I got up, hearing Him asking me to make my bed and get into His Presence. He wanted me to read through the life of Joseph. My initial [and secret] response was a frustrated boredom. “What more could there be in that story for me? I am tired of believing.”
Some background. The devil has been on my doorstep a lot lately. In the form of hostile people who think that I am not good enough to have what God has blessed me with. He, the devil, has felt free to take from me using the excuse of what is traditionally acceptable, what his agents think should be in and outside my house (this one is due to my pair of shoes that have mysteriously gone missing) and what he deems is within my limits of well-being So he takes away and gives me illness, my household and I. He gives me heartbreak, loneliness, rejection, and try as I may to reject his sordid gift, it sits there on my doorstep and in my chamber, proudly festering, bringing in the exceedingly putrid. I feel homeless, like I have moved but still have no clue to my address. I feel imprisoned forgotten, unlovable ..and when I cry out and expect this expression of pain to expel the agony that is my life and soul, I lack relief. There is no catharsis. I must sit silently…and wait for God. That is the background of this state in which I tried not to get out of bed this morning.
So I tidy up as much as my strength can allow. In the last two weeks, I have survived the onslaught of pneumonia, gas poisoning and malaria. Not to mention the heart issues…and then I sit. “LORD God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that You are God and that I Your servant, have done all these things at Your command.” I pray along with Elijah of old. But am mocked by the ‘immediately the fire of God fell from heaven‘ and I sit deflated wondering if I should also now raise up the prayer of Jabez. I remember ‘to obey is better than sacrifice’, I go online and begin reading the story of Joseph. From Genesis 37.
My response; initially, that his story is eerily familiar. I feel like I have re-lived Joseph…ahem, at least some of his major seasons…especially the tail end of his story before his glorification. I feel like I have sat marinating in it for too long. Its time to move out…then I get to the part where God makes other people’s dreams come true through him, and how he remains forgotten. I have come to terms with that part. God taught me a long time ago that He rarely works out His breakthroughs through people He has blessed through our lives…and to give without expecting to be paid back. But it is a lesson I learn daily still. Especially when you love deeply…you learn to open your hands and heart fully as you give…and not to be surprised by the biting and breaking thrown back at you in response…and to again open your hands and heart at the very next opportunity :).
Then God takes a hold of my spirit, my soul, my attention…and this is the word He causes me to declare over my life, and which you can also take upon yours if you like :).
“PLEASE REMEMBER ME TO THE FATHER. BUT EVEN IF YOU DON’T, GOD’S SET TIME FOR ME WILL COME, UNEXPECTEDLY, AND HE WILL RAISE ME UP INTO THAT WHICH HE HAS FOR ME. HE WHO PROMISES IS FAITHFUL. HE WHO GIVES ME THE DREAM, IS THE KEEPER OF DREAMS. I WILL NOT STAND IN OFFENCE AGAINST HIM BY DOUBTING WHAT HE HAS SAID TO ME, BECAUSE THOSE WHO KNOW ME WELL DO NOT SEE IT IN ME, MY SET TIME WILL COME, EVEN THOUGH MY DAYS IN THE BOTTOM OF THE BOTTOMLESS DUNGEON PREVAIL…GOD STILL SEES ME. HE WILL BRING MY CASE BEFORE THE ONE HE HAS PREPARED TO PROMOTE ME. ALSO LEARNING THAT I MAY HAVE A REVELATION OF EXACTLY WHO HAS BEEN SENT TO BE PARTY TO MY PROMOTION…BUT I CANNOT MANIPULATE THE TIMES NO MATTER HOW DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE I AM WITH MY CURRENT SITUATION; I MAY HAVE TO REMAIN HERE FORGOTTEN A WHILE LONGER, BUT WHEN GOD’S SET TIME COMES, HE MAKES SUCH AN APPEAL OVER MY DELIVERANCE THAT NO ONE CAN SIT STILL UNTIL I AM WHERE HE WANTS AND HAS DECREED I SHOULD BE!”
Suddenly, everything changes. It is like God Almighty has risen in my boat, and has spoken to the winds, the storms, to the biting and the breaking…and though the night still prevails, morning has broken. I can almost hear the feet of the soldiers headed my way, the keys to my deliverance clanging in their hands, and though my heart still hopes and prays that they will not walk past the door of my dungeon, it is no longer a distraction. I will represent God, one more day, one more time, in this place where He has chosen for me to do so, until He decides to raise me up from among the dead and forgotten, to His chosen heights, among the living. I am convinced, that I am unforgotten.
“But remember me when it goes well with you; and show me kindness, please; and mention me to Pharaoh, so that he will release me from this prison…Nevertheless, the chief cupbearer didn’t remember Yosef, but forgot him…At the end of two years, Pharaoh had a dream…In the morning he found himself so upset that he summoned all the magicians of Egypt and all its wise men. Pharaoh told them his dreams, but no one there could interpret them for him. Then the chief cupbearer said to Pharaoh, “Today reminds me of something wherein I am at fault: Pharaoh was angry with his officials and put me in the prison of the house of the captain of the guard, me and the chief baker. One night both I and he had dreams, and each man’s dream had its own meaning. There was with us a young man, a Hebrew, a servant of the captain of the guard; and we told him our dreams, and he interpreted them for us — he interpreted each man’s dream individually. And it came about as he interpreted to us — I was restored to my office, and he was hanged.Then Pharaoh summoned Yosef, and they brought him QUICKLY out of the dungeon. He shaved himself, changed his clothes, and came in to Pharaoh. ”…The proposal seemed good both to Pharaoh and to all his officials. Pharaoh said to his officials, “Can we find anyone else like him? The Spirit of God lives in him!”
So Pharaoh said to Yosef, “Since God has shown you all this — there is no one as discerning and wise as you — you will be in charge of my household; all my people will be ruled by what you say. Only when I rule from my throne will I be greater than you.” Pharaoh said to Yosef, “Here, I place you in charge of the whole land of Egypt.” Pharaoh took his signet ring off his hand and put it on Yosef’s hand, had him clothed in fine linen with a gold chain around his neck and had him ride in his second best chariot; and they cried before him, “Bow down!” Thus he placed him in charge of the whole land of Egypt. Pharaoh said to Yosef, “I, Pharaoh, decree that without your approval no one is to raise his hand or his foot in all the land of Egypt.” Pharaoh called Yosef by the name Tzafnat-Pa‘neach and gave him as his wife Osnat the daughter of Poti-Fera priest of On. Then Yosef went out through all the land of Egypt.
Yosef WAS THIRTY YEARS OLD WHEN HE STOOD BEFORE PHARAOH king of Egypt…But Yosef said to them, “Don’t be afraid! Am I in the place of God? You meant to do me harm, but God meant it for good — so that it would come about as it is today, with many people’s lives being saved. So don’t be afraid — I will provide for you and your little ones.” In this way he comforted them, speaking kindly to them.
Yosef continued living in Egypt, he and his father’s household. Yosef LIVED 110 YEARS. (Maftir). Yosef lived to see Efrayim’s great-grandchildren, and the children of M’nasheh’s son Makhir were born on Yosef’s knees.”