April 17, 2013 2 Comments
If you recently saw me in town, and I seemed to be jogging on high wedges, and talking to myself as I did so, do not worry…I am not unwell, I am just growing up. I don’t know what to feel as I write this. Being in a relationship sometimes does that to you. If you let it.
A relationship brings with it certain expectations. For those of us who have waited long for God’s promise to manifest, with regard to a spouse, the disappointment is magnified when God presents someone, whispers to you his or her name and says – “…this one is for you, ‘To Have and To Hold’. “ And you cannot stop thinking out loud “Lord are You SURE!!!! S/he is not what I thought my prayers have earned me ;). I definitely do not measure up, but then again, neither do they? How can this be?” Make’s me wonder just what exactly we thought the answer to our prayers would be like. That happened to me last year. And the issues it presented just showed me how grossly unprepared I was…ahem…still am, for the grown up race of being in a serious and committed fellowship.
So then I find that the scripture ‘Can two walk together unless they have agreed?’ rings true in canal as well as supernatural matters. I used to be athletic…but, well, lets just say that these days, my steps are more carefully determined and taken. He, my sweetheart, is still given to covering distances in huge gulps…and my heart rate cannot handle it. When he will not slow down to keep in step with me, I feel rejected…I interpret it to mean that,somehow, he is ashamed of being seen with me. And then, he has never, in my presence, introduced me to ANYONE as his woman. It’s always something else, with ‘my neighbor and my friend”, topping the scales [Ok…I confess, I refer to him as my Bible Study and Prayer Partner to retaliate…but hey, he started this ;)]. Biblically beautiful terms, powerful terms…but vague and easy to misinterpret. And again, I prefer other terms…like ‘Love of my life’ etc etc. I so understand him – which annoys me further. You see, we ARE an odd couple…but I am learning that the best couples are odd…unexpected…like God strikes His Paintbrush to startle us out of the status quo…by making something out of what was not there before. Genesis 1 …the very beginning of God’s Word tells us that this is God’s favorite Modus Operandi.
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
The earth was unformed and void, darkness was on the face
of the deep, and the Spirit of God hovered over the surface
of the water.
Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.
God saw that the light was good, and God divided the light
from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness
He called Night. So there was evening, and there was morning,
God makes something, and even though it appears to be disorderly, His Spirit still covers His Work of art. I can never read this without being struck by how ‘Artsy’ this beginning is…it seems as though God just happened to make something beautiful because of the beauty that is Him. I hope you understand that last sentence…am trying to. So am patiently waiting for God to work, particularly in me, so that I am upgraded to something He considers good in this relationship and in others as well. Not one day but ONE FLESH. But I digress from the title…let me go back.
Being introduced by, and walking with my sweetheart in particular, has really helped me understand what God means when He defines the parameters by which He, not others, defines my relationship with Him. How do I introduce God to others, in relation to myself? Do my words capture the true state of our association? What about how I act towards Him? Not that this is an accurate measuring rod for my friendship with God, but if someone were watching my walk with God – even casually, would s/he think ‘they are soo together?’ or would they wonder if the world has become populated by people so lonely that they talk to themselves for seeing two in the space of 10-15 meters who seem to be having a deep and animated discussion with themselves? [You can feel my frustration by now right?] Does God have to go through the agony of controlling His Jealousy when He watches me bond with others in the way I should be with Him more naturally? Do others slander God, or me, for the way I have related with Him? Do they judge Him adversely because of the way I have presented Him to them? When I don’t understand something He is saying or doing, and I comment out of my ignorance, how many people have I misled into dismissing him as a potential ‘Eternal Husband’ for me and for themselves?
I have understood in these questions and challenges, that God has made me intricately in His image. That if I am able to face my own disillusionment with my canal relationships, then I may just be able to face His disappointment as He relates with me. So then, do I stop…do I give up? God has taught me that you don’t give up on someone because they don’t measure up in the first 10 to 20 years ;). You keep waiting, keep loving, allowing your love for them to become stronger, allowing your voice to raise up in love to encourage them to be the best lover they can ever be; and sometimes dispensing some tough love by way of discipline if a particular characteristic in them, is detrimental to your relationship. This may or may not include a temporary, or permanent separation, BUT the latter…God resorts to, only when we have demonstrated to Him, that we are determined not to be identified with Him and walk with Him anymore. He is Almighty – He is Gentle.
Who is He…That Man by your side,
The One Who walks beside, and sometimes ahead of you,
The One Who carries you on His Shoulders,
And sometimes cradles you on His Chest,
When the walk overwhelms you?
Who is He…That Man by my side?
The One who walks beside, and often leads me,
The One Who carries me on His Shoulders,
And sometimes cradles me on His Chest,
When the walk has overwhelmed me?
He is my Eternal Lover, my Father, my Life Companion
He is my very Breath, The Joy that fill my Life,
He is my Eternal Husband, My King, My Boss,
He is my Healer, my Protector.
On His Person He bears the scars that remind me
How eternally loved I am
In His Voice, His Expectations, His Touch, I am reminded
That for Him, our walk is one eternal,
And that He is not willing to drop me even though I love Him back
This Man…He is my very Life, my God.
So, if you ever catch sight of me in town, jogging on my relatively high wedge shoes, and I seem to be talking to myself, know that, even though things have been really rough, its not that I have gone insanely lonely, but, simply that, I am keeping up with the growth of the answer to my prayers…God is perfecting us.