While men slept…

.I get up from my knees with a simple prayer. Lord let me not qualify as ‘puke’ from the LAND. Yours and this one.

via While men slept….

I Remembered…But Dont Know If it Still Means the Same Thing

I Remembered…But Dont Know If it Still Means the Same Thing.

Oaths and Covenants: Vows Unbroken

Scripture Reading: Joshua 9 & 10

Summary: The Gibeonites deceived Joshua and the Israelites into making a covenant to protect them. When Joshua discovered their deception, he COULD NOT break his covenant with them because it had been made in the Name of God, but the status of the Gibeonites was reduced from partners to slaves. A king heard about the alliance between Israel and Gibeon and was afraid. He got four other powerful kings to join forces with him to go destroy Gibeon. The slaves of Israel cried out to Joshua to honor his covenant with them, and God reassured Joshua that this would be His Battle. He showed up as Jehovah Sabaoth – The God of Hosts, and uses both heavenly and natural forces to destroy the enemies of the slaves who had come under the shadow of His Wings…to ENABLE Joshua and Israel to KEEP THEIR COVENANT. To silence all slander against Israel Joshua 10:21.

-As God’s people, we are to hold up Truth as far as it depends on us. If we make a covenant, if we enter into a partnership by saying that we are, we MUST keep our part even if the other person turns out to be undeserving.
-We are NEVER to enter into partnerships without the consent of God Isaiah 30:1[“Woe to the obstinate children,” declares the LORD, “to those who carry out plans that are not mine, forming an alliance, but not by my Spirit, heaping sin upon sin…”] BUT if we do…ONLY God can deliver us. IF He wills it.
-God is a covenant keeping God and if we strive to reflect this aspect of His Nature, He will provide the resources of heaven to enable us to do so. He values integrity and will rise up to fight for us if we keep our end.
-The one who deceives you into a covenant will themselves loose a lot more by your integrity than by your lack of it. Their status in your eye diminishes from partner to slave, and eventually God, who HATES deception will avenge you. You must not stain your hand with their blood.
– God’s Name is dragged into the slander of His people…hold onto Truth with this in mind.

PROMISE: “Then Joshua said to them, “Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed; be strong and of good courage, for thus the Lord will do to all your enemies against whom you fight.”

PRAYER: Dear God Almighty, please guard me from making covenants, from saying I WILL/DO without Your Express consultation. When and where I have done this in error, cause me to remember that every covenant I make in Your Name brings in Your Eternal Nature. Deliver me from this in Your Way. But while you will have me remain in this agreements, please cause me to reflect You in all my dealings with the one/s I have given my word to. In Jesus’ Name I ask this, Amen.

Bewildering Path: From Rape to Adoption

She walked into my life about two months ago…maybe three, but it feels like she has always been a part of it. Her boss, an old friend had called me about her. She needed someone who could talk to this young girl through rape and adoption…we sat together on the cushions that litter my floor, prayed, put tea in place [served graciously by my only begotten son – Leroy] and I leaned forward to listen to her. It took the strength and wisdom of God for me not to tear out my hair. In her mid 20s this Kenyan beauty is already a widowed mother of three. On the passing of her husband, his family promptly ‘inherited their son’s property’ leaving her and their children destitute. She ran back home, where she is the first of 9 children, born to extremely materially challenged parents. I put a weight on my tongue and plugged in the steam threatening to blow my head to pieces. And I continued to listen.

So she decided to leave her three children in the care of her parents, travel to Nairobi, to be a housemaid in the house of a married woman, who she remembers fondly as being very kind to her. She worked hard. But her boss’ husband has a thing for housemaids…a rape thing. The neighbors had told her that practically all their house girls had left for the maternity ward. They assumed there were local boyfriends involved but my friend found out the hard way who was responsible. One June morning, in 2011 after his wife had left for work, the 50year old man pounced on her and raped her. He told the young widow that he was connected and that there was nothing she could do to him. Her attempts to get justice would only hurt her. He was not lying… and the young widow thought of her three young ones, her parents and eight siblings at home, and decided that she would get over this. She is a staunch Christian and prayed about it. I listened to her, and my head ached. She gave me the name of the man who had done this to her, even his business address but said to me that she did not have the strength to follow up on it.

I am getting ahead of myself. So he raped her again in August, and this time, she broke, and left. She was found by a preacher, who helped her get her present employement, with my friend. God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to perform. She did not know that she had concieved. Indeed, she only found out in December while upcountry on leave. Even when I met her, she did not look pregnant. The slight bump in her belly only added to the beauty of the Kitenge she was wearing. She smiles a lot. Laughs easily too. But when she looks at you, the pain of a hundred years is in her 25 or so year old eyes. Haunting. Heartbreaking. She came because she was not able to keep this baby and wanted my help in connecting her with an avenue to adopt out her baby, as well as a friend to walk with her through the major crisis of rape, pregnancy and adoption. i took her into my life, not because I have any illusions about being the best, but because her Father and mine are the same. And I dont believe in coincidences. I have walked through rape, and the doors it slams on your life. I have witnessed adoption back when I volunteered at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in Nairobi…but this was going to be my first close-up. I was hoping not. Because i know for sure that it does not matter who sired your child, a child is 100% the mother’s as well as 100% the father’s. And motherhood and fatherhood are honorable terms that encapsulate responsible nurturing and should not be uttered in vain.

The last two months have been emotionally heavy. There was the day she called to inform him that she was pregnant from the rape and he told her to abort, and repeated that he was never going to be held accountable. There were days when we argonised about what this could do to his wife and children, if  they ever found out.  There were days she crashed as I crashed. She is one of the bravest people I have ever had the honor of meeting and knowing. I have met people who wanted to help but the logistics involved would have been to complicated for her. We have prayed a lot. And when we did, God led us to Child Welfare Society in Kenya. And we found help.

She had a beautiful baby boy last Friday night. Her boss was with her…the new one, my friend. And when they were done she called me. I was only able to go to her this morning. God woke me up and said He needed me by His daughter’s side as she did the most difficult thing in her life. Her boss, my friend and I hooked up at Child Welfare Society offices to pick copies of the form and prayed together. She was in black and i told her how I had deliberatly chosen not to wear black today. My heart was already heavy and it took the full Might of God to get me bathed, dressed, and out of the house to meet this day. Because the original adoption forms had been left at another hospital where she had been admitted about a week ago, she had to care for her baby. Not ideal. She bonded with him. It was not hard. He had been in her for all that time, and even I bonded with him. We have prayed a lot today. Just talked our feelings out loud to God. She has cried a lot, as have we. But though torn she believes the best option she has is to give the baby up. So we discharged her, and I held the baby close. He laughs loudly in his sleep…I can tell he is going to be a happy person. He already is. I wish I could keep him for her…because none of us is sure this is the way to go. I wish he would find parents that would love him as much as all of us already do, and more.

So we went back to the Child Welfare Offices to give the baby to them. None of us felt ‘right’ about leaving him in the hospital to be ‘rescued’. We prayed in the car. Told her again that she could still change her mind and we would be okay…and she could still go ahead with what she is convicted of, and we would be okay. My friends and I are mums who have weathered some really rough times raising our children…but we would still have them over and over again. So this was hard for us. But it was not about us today…it was about a Prince and a Princess…that God was watching over for good. So we walked slowly up the stairs…I was still holding the baby. And she sat next to me as her boss filled the forms again. I held her hand in one of mine as the baby cradled on my chest. Then he began to fidgit and she reached out impulsively for him and held him. He went quiet. We were called in, she held her baby tears pouring down her face, and staggered through the doors as we held her lightly. Inside the social worker was quick and cheerful. She still has six weeks to make up her mind…to change her mind. And we left the baby with the social worker…something gave. All of us were crying. We sat outside the building on the floor and just held each other and wept. i wish there was a way i could have helped her not to have gone through widowhood, not to have been made destitute, not to have had to make the hard choice of leaving her children in order to fend for her family, to have made sure that she never met this rapist boss….but you cant wish away the baby…

She is home with her boss now, and am home with my children. My daughter cried when I told her the story…she asked me “Mami why didnt you bring him home with you?” She echoed my heart…

Let me ask you, what would you do, if your new maid turned out to be pregnant? Your househelp is a human being, someone’s baby girl, God’s beloved. Remember that…when you look at her. And my brothers, please, your housemaid is not an object for extracurriculum conjugal activity. And whether you think so or not, whether your country protects its vulnerable or not…if you touch her , you are going to face justice. You will pay…because today, I asked my Father to dispense His justice on their behalf.



Faith Break; Heart Break

 Looking back to the last week or so, I dont even know why I took a step back from intense believing. But I guess its bound to happen when you step back from intense worship and intense prayer. You try to live the way you used to live before, and find that you have been walking behind Christ so long, you are literaly lost when you can no longer sense His Presence and hear His Voice. I would wake up some mornings and wonder who I was and where I was…and how I had gotten to the place I found myself.

Truth is, at a trully intimate moment with God, I kind of…well am being honest here…that is what leading is about…I actually got distracted by three or four firece looking waves headed straight for me.  If I had been looking and listening the way I was supposed to and giving myself as I should have been, I would have known that big though they were, they would pass. That they could not really harm me. But I wasn’t. I have it all…who would not want to be loved by The Best as I am. But I guess I was fatigued too…and wanted something more… mundane. I was not prepared for the heartbreak. I reached out to see if I could shape the waves, will them on my own to be less fierce, gentler even. But even as I reached out, I knew it was an illusion. Waves cant be held in human hands. They slip right through…sometimes slitting through you as they make their way to distant shores. These ones slit through my eyes, my ears, my heart, my spine…my mind…I would wake up and wonder who I was, where I was and how I had gotten here.

If I was looking for solid, I ALREADY HAD SOLID; Christ had remained right next to me. Its just that tears were pouring from places that I had no idea could cry. Actually tearing through. He was saying to me, that it was okay. That He had brought me to this place and that distant shore I longed for, was in His will for me. That if I looked back at Him, with my blindened eyes, He would lead me to the shore, on calmer waters. I would not have to walk the waves all the way back. He had me. He has me. But I was feeling the pain more…and my heart had forgotten how to beat for Him. The unquestionable faith beat. This made me panic since, that is all it had known to do in the past while. I had forgotten how to think…so my thoughts and dreams, fluid and real, now frightened me….I would wake up and wonder who I was, where I was and how I  had gotten here.

  Yet He is close to the broken hearted and those who are crushed in spirit. A broken and contrite spirit He would not despise. He knows I cant put it back together again on my own – it would not be Him that way. He kept telling me that though the waves came, though the mountains suddenly appeared to block my way, though the earth suddenly dropped beneath my foothold…nothing could harm me. That the pain I felt so strongly – though factual, was not true. That I was being borne safely on His shoulders…and that I needed to be brave and wake up and KNOW that I was a true princess in The Court of the King of kings; That I was with Him Emmanuel and that The Good Shepherd had led me to this place – this stormy, dark, rendevous in the earlier hours of dawn to a place where His Love would be enough to hold me up.

Wake up, KNOW who you are; KNOW where you are; KNOW Who brought you here. It is well….



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